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Thursday 14 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

#20548471
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25044) - you deserved it (9197)

On 03/17/2013 at 10:45pm - love - by just physical - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML

#20546113
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24755) - you deserved it (2037)

On 03/16/2013 at 1:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

#20540639
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24715) - you deserved it (1646)

On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

#20550859
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24466) - you deserved it (2165)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by thirddegreeburned - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

#20550428
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24066) - you deserved it (6320)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

#20540360
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23266) - you deserved it (8049)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

#20551821
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23048) - you deserved it (3942)

On 03/20/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (3531)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

#20539367
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22540) - you deserved it (1793)

On 03/11/2013 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17126) - you deserved it (42092)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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