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Thursday 14 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

#20548252
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38238) - you deserved it (5526)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm - love - by noooooooo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw some pictures of my boyfriend drunkenly kissing his ex on Facebook. I asked him about it, and he reassured me the pictures were from months ago. Unfortunately for him, I happened to notice a small tattoo on his neck. The same tattoo I went with him just last week to get. FML

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38059) - you deserved it (8301) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

#20542189
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38025) - you deserved it (5021)

On 03/13/2013 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by WhyDoINeedAName - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

#20539298
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38023) - you deserved it (2340)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37262) - you deserved it (5468)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

#20543527
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36945) - you deserved it (9288)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36818) - you deserved it (15913)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

#20545680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36808) - you deserved it (4200)

On 03/16/2013 at 2:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

#20552465
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36559) - you deserved it (9717)

On 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by bobthenun - United States (California)

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

#20552400
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36555) - you deserved it (3535)

On 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Tired (man) - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

#20549421
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36279) - you deserved it (2950)

On 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm - love - by Maggie - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

#20541052
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35790) - you deserved it (2587)

On 03/12/2013 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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