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Friday 15 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after spending six months completely repainting and redecorating our new home, I finally finished the last touches and went to remove the masking tape. Off came the tape, along with huge blotches of plasterwork. FML

#20503623
95 comments

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

#20518187
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27178) - you deserved it (4498) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm - misc - by hé merde - Sent from mobile version

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27130) - you deserved it (7666)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27106) - you deserved it (4108)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27028) - you deserved it (11375)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

#20508218
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26720) - you deserved it (2146)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:50pm - health - by selena5112 (woman) - Norway (Troms)

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

#20509033
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (3439)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by howannoying - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

#20513781
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26366) - you deserved it (3359)

On 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm - love - by Forever alone Guy - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

#20513495
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26079) - you deserved it (2337)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

#20508499
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26056) - you deserved it (2993)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by dadsadipshit - United States

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

#20514672
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25624) - you deserved it (8046)

On 02/20/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by kryan012 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

#20503278
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25022) - you deserved it (2795)

On 02/12/2013 at 2:41am - health - by shots shots shots (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24307) - you deserved it (9647)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States



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