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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, we finally moved into our new home, which my husband and I got mostly so our kids could have fun in the spacious backyard. The moment they stepped into the backyard, they were terrorized by the neighbor's dogs, and now refuse to go outside. FML

Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML

#21096273
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41806) - you deserved it (3461)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41715) - you deserved it (11678)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

#21090716
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41690) - you deserved it (3914)

On 03/19/2014 at 8:28am - work - by pale-suzie (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

#21078902
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41670) - you deserved it (3128)

On 03/05/2014 at 4:37pm - work - by mr1234 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

#21099560
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41564) - you deserved it (17880)

On 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm - love - by the other guy? (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41526) - you deserved it (17972)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

#21095315
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41455) - you deserved it (6129)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

#21097210
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41452) - you deserved it (3156)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:44pm - animals - by In urgent need of a new roommate - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

#21092834
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41419) - you deserved it (3327)

On 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm - health - by iusedprotectionanyway (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML

#21086140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41412) - you deserved it (7479)

On 03/13/2014 at 11:36pm - love - by wabbyfish (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

#21086753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41399) - you deserved it (35755)

On 03/14/2014 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by why - United States (California)

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

#21076785
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41254) - you deserved it (3856)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous -



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