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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went shopping for a wedding dress at a fancy store. The proprietor took one look at me, said they don't have any dresses large enough for me, and asked me to leave. No wonder my self-confidence is in the gutter. FML

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

#21099560
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41336) - you deserved it (17797)

On 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm - love - by the other guy? (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41298) - you deserved it (17894)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

#21095315
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41271) - you deserved it (5946)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

#21082455
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41185) - you deserved it (7762)

On 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm - kids - by ashamed father (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML

#21086140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41166) - you deserved it (7452)

On 03/13/2014 at 11:36pm - love - by wabbyfish (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

#21095894
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41092) - you deserved it (4970)

On 03/25/2014 at 7:36am - misc - by disappointed - United States (North Dakota)

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

#21078266
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40951) - you deserved it (6714)

On 03/04/2014 at 9:46pm - misc - by augiedd (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

#21101111
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40888) - you deserved it (4037)

On 03/31/2014 at 4:07pm - work - by dunno why we bother (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while mowing, I found a baby bunny and took a picture of it. 20 minutes later, I accidentally ran over said bunny with the mower. FML

Today, we finally moved into our new home, which my husband and I got mostly so our kids could have fun in the spacious backyard. The moment they stepped into the backyard, they were terrorized by the neighbor's dogs, and now refuse to go outside. FML

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

#21095295
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40731) - you deserved it (7953)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died." right afterwards. FML

#21085148
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40630) - you deserved it (3317)

On 03/12/2014 at 8:11pm - work - by Anon - United States (Pennsylvania)



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