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March 2014

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Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

#21091901
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55735) - you deserved it (3316)

On 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

#21087500
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54312) - you deserved it (5030)

On 03/15/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54297) - you deserved it (6531)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52701) - you deserved it (5955)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML

Today, while we were having sex, my boyfriend asked me, "Who's your daddy?" I actually started thinking about my father. Total buzzkill. FML

Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts like a rabid dog when he does. FML

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51566) - you deserved it (10392)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

#21086172
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51138) - you deserved it (7141)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

#21094011
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51020) - you deserved it (7128)

On 03/23/2014 at 1:31am - intimacy - by BustedEgo (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

#21077978
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50940) - you deserved it (4725)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Akershus)



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