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November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that since there are 3 people with the same name as me at work, I'm known as "the ugly one". FML

#20973400
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43515) - you deserved it (3179)

On 11/28/2013 at 6:41am - work - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43471) - you deserved it (2923)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML

#20960650
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43392) - you deserved it (3971)

On 11/17/2013 at 8:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

#20960938
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43374) - you deserved it (4054)

On 11/17/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43304) - you deserved it (5254)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43286) - you deserved it (3547)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

#20968220
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43282) - you deserved it (2916)

On 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm - misc - by fs (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43053) - you deserved it (3475)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43049) - you deserved it (8726)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42966) - you deserved it (17455)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

#20951747
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42830) - you deserved it (10376)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42810) - you deserved it (7981)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized my wedding ring had fallen off while doing yard work the previous day. Luckily, I only worked in a few areas, so I had high hopes of finding it. That is until a storm came through, blew half a foot of leaves all over the property, and then froze them with sleet. FML



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