Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
November 2013

Choose a category

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

by AshleyRose24 / 11/23/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

by Trapped. / 11/05/2013 at 9:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

by jazopalchris / 11/25/2013 at 6:42pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Kids

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

by bakingwomannnnnnnn / 11/20/2013 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat / 11/27/2013 at 2:08am / United States / Animals

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

by awkwardpaul / 11/22/2013 at 5:18am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 8:03pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML

by feetfreak / 11/13/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Work

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

by #isthisthepoundkey? / 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2013 at 9:20pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

by Annonymous / 11/18/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (California) / Money