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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

#20925128
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63678) - you deserved it (2647)

On 10/18/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59013) - you deserved it (6940)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

#20927261
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58170) - you deserved it (4381)

On 10/20/2013 at 9:02am - intimacy - by Female_Lucifer (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56226) - you deserved it (3209)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54000) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML

#20918616
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53724) - you deserved it (3231)

On 10/13/2013 at 6:49am - love - by IDon't - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another. Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date. Her only reply was, "I don't want to lose such a good friend." FML

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

#20925494
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53249) - you deserved it (5055)

On 10/18/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by O-|---<=~ (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52991) - you deserved it (5052)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52883) - you deserved it (3274)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, my mom made fun of me because I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend, then bragged that at my age she was already pregnant with me. FML

#20918137
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52702) - you deserved it (2767)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm - misc - by roundtherose - United States (Alaska)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52540) - you deserved it (9004)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -



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