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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49463) - you deserved it (10667)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49452) - you deserved it (3942)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49448) - you deserved it (3164)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

#20871127
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49251) - you deserved it (3154)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48977) - you deserved it (2982)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48711) - you deserved it (6369)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

#20875663
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48492) - you deserved it (3128)

On 09/10/2013 at 11:52am - money - by zcollins - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48488) - you deserved it (5263)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

#20868590
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48482) - you deserved it (2618)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:02am - animals - by GotMyBitchBack - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

#20863117
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48423) - you deserved it (6171)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

#20867417
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48409) - you deserved it (2467)

On 09/04/2013 at 11:59am - work - by resurrected - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

#20899028
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48181) - you deserved it (3128)

On 09/28/2013 at 11:21am - love - by Christian (man) - United States

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#20887080
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48069) - you deserved it (3032)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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