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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

#20879909
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45277) - you deserved it (5448)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

#20876113
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45087) - you deserved it (2787)

On 09/10/2013 at 7:30pm - work - by the next james herriot (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45051) - you deserved it (12485)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

#20862628
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45021) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:40am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

#20887417
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45011) - you deserved it (3974)

On 09/19/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Sua - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

#20863540
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44924) - you deserved it (3240)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

#20881965
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44908) - you deserved it (4158)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

#20875635
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44856) - you deserved it (3640)

On 09/10/2013 at 10:56am - money - by PartTimePrincess (woman) - United States

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

#20899972
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44791) - you deserved it (2878)

On 09/29/2013 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

#20891546
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44786) - you deserved it (5677)

On 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm - work - by -_- (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML

#20877295
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44511) - you deserved it (7260)

On 09/11/2013 at 5:35pm - work - by natattack - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss' son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

#20898132
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44489) - you deserved it (2651)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by anahira6 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

#20891477
170 comments


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