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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

#20889160
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49197) - you deserved it (4061)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

Today, I asked a friend to hang out. I'm so used to people saying no, that when she said yes I burst into tears and had a panic attack. FML

#20880509
117 comments

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

#20901891
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48983) - you deserved it (5098)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48953) - you deserved it (6398)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

#20899028
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48865) - you deserved it (3187)

On 09/28/2013 at 11:21am - love - by Christian (man) - United States

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

#20883830
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48846) - you deserved it (7664)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:08pm - love - by Jake - United States (Oregon)

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

#20868804
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48788) - you deserved it (4690)

On 09/05/2013 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

#20870911
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48403) - you deserved it (6765)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#20887080
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48365) - you deserved it (3045)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

#20889155
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48208) - you deserved it (3570)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Hungary (Szeged)

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

#20892223
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48148) - you deserved it (3984)

On 09/22/2013 at 10:24pm - love - by really? (man) - United States

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

#20870380
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48097) - you deserved it (3150)

On 09/06/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -



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