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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44843) - you deserved it (3994)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

#20889155
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44752) - you deserved it (3038)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Hungary (Szeged)

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

#20888741
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44641) - you deserved it (7921)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:23am - love - by hoolagirl4422 (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

#20872521
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44636) - you deserved it (4375)

On 09/08/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44575) - you deserved it (4277)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

#20894419
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44518) - you deserved it (3559)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Craigslist is Evil. - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML

#20883830
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44470) - you deserved it (6769)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:08pm - love - by Jake - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44450) - you deserved it (29538)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

#20889651
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44196) - you deserved it (2750)

On 09/21/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my 16-year-old daughter burned all her baby photos because they were unflattering and made her "look fat". FML

#20873371
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44174) - you deserved it (3790)

On 09/08/2013 at 7:20pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got proposed to. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we have 2 kids. It was perfect, except it was my ex-boyfriend who proposed to me. FML

#20901818
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43907) - you deserved it (5228)

On 09/30/2013 at 10:47am - love - by courtnayy (woman) - United States

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

#20870380
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43815) - you deserved it (2650)

On 09/06/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -



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