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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50102) - you deserved it (4329)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49859) - you deserved it (4483)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

#20901891
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49846) - you deserved it (5197)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

#20875663
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49818) - you deserved it (3234)

On 09/10/2013 at 11:52am - money - by zcollins - United States (California)

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49747) - you deserved it (3968)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

#20870911
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49682) - you deserved it (6919)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49575) - you deserved it (5384)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

#20863117
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49572) - you deserved it (6310)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

#20870380
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49480) - you deserved it (3254)

On 09/06/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

#20889651
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49465) - you deserved it (3339)

On 09/21/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

#20889160
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49340) - you deserved it (4074)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

#20888741
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49290) - you deserved it (8842)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:23am - love - by hoolagirl4422 (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

#20872521
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49277) - you deserved it (4897)

On 09/08/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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