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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50642) - you deserved it (5748)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50368) - you deserved it (9283)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

#20871127
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50249) - you deserved it (3242)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

#20867417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50230) - you deserved it (2600)

On 09/04/2013 at 11:59am - work - by resurrected - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

#20875663
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49713) - you deserved it (3229)

On 09/10/2013 at 11:52am - money - by zcollins - United States (California)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49687) - you deserved it (3180)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49664) - you deserved it (3961)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49463) - you deserved it (5371)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

#20868590
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49429) - you deserved it (2678)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:02am - animals - by GotMyBitchBack - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

#20863117
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49426) - you deserved it (6296)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

#20888582
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49385) - you deserved it (11080)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49242) - you deserved it (4242)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49238) - you deserved it (3003)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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