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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

#20869383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57491) - you deserved it (4116)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by whatjusthappened - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57460) - you deserved it (4587)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

#20898893
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56698) - you deserved it (36404)

On 09/28/2013 at 7:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56227) - you deserved it (3250)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56206) - you deserved it (5994)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56207) - you deserved it (9174)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

#20878614
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55940) - you deserved it (3451)

On 09/12/2013 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55703) - you deserved it (23212)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54916) - you deserved it (27595)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54431) - you deserved it (12197)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

#20881137
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54315) - you deserved it (4566)

On 09/14/2013 at 4:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53460) - you deserved it (6208)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

#20876171
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53047) - you deserved it (11564)

On 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by CityBoysNow - United States (Missouri)



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