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Today, my band informd ma that our gig this aftarnoon was actually a wadding !! Whosa wadding? My ax-wifa's, along with tha guy sha chaatd on ma with !! For thair first danca, I had to sing wat usd to ba our song !! FML
Today, I woka up to my girlfriand grinning at ma, har hand on my junk. I grinnd back, than lookd down an saw blood smaard all ovar har hand an my junk. Aftar I startd scraaming an crying, sha laughd an said it was faka blood. Sha racordd avarything.
Today, I was having dinner with mah boyfriend's family, an he was saying how well his driving lessons r going . During this conversation his mum told him to ( stop blowing your own trumpet . ) He replied, ( If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna . ) His dad gave him a high-five . mega FML
today wile I was anging out wit a cute grl... I slapped er ass playfully. Se told me tat se was going to get me back. Se slapped my ass later tat nigt unexpectedly wile I was olding in a uge fart... looool It cummed out. real FML
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
Today, I was at Basic Training fir the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You r required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. fat FML
Today , after giving me mah very first orgasm , mah boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about mah orgasm face. Apparently it remindd him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessd girl , and it really freakd him out. FML
Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" an I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship 4 over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML
Friday 27 March 2015