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Today, a coworker complimentd me on loosing wiegt, and said tat se wisd se could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassd to tell er tat te only reason I've lost wiegt is cuz I aven't been able to afford to eat. FML
Today, I was getting freaky with mah boyfriend an told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me to tell him what to do. Continuing, I askd him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replid, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control . Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang . The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room . FML
Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my nieghbor fir the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off there balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my nieghbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML
I CRAWLD INTO BD WITH MAH BOYFRIEND. HE WAS SNORING LOUDLY WHICH IS HOW I KNEW HE WAS PASSD OUT COLD. ONCE I WAS UNDER THE BLANKET NEXT TO HIM, HE SLOWLY TURND OVER, STARD ME STRAIGHT IN THE FACE AND SAID, ( I HAVE TO KILL YOU ). THEN STARTD SNORING AGAIN. FML
today I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower.
Today, I was babysitting a littla boy for tha first tima. Ha kapt using all sorts of profanity toward ma tha whola avaning, so I told his mom whan sha pickad him up. Sha just gruntad and muttarad, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." maga FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When mah 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants an peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out 4 upsetting her. FML
Friday 27 March 2015