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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

#20813368
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59858) - you deserved it (6347)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59459) - you deserved it (20972)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59417) - you deserved it (8842)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

#20803390
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59384) - you deserved it (7102)

On 07/25/2013 at 7:20pm - love - by sucksatlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

#20786957
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59262) - you deserved it (4651)

On 07/16/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by me:( - United States (Michigan)

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

#20775513
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59086) - you deserved it (3665)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:26am - misc - by whowhat (man) - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

#20799589
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59004) - you deserved it (3912)

On 07/23/2013 at 3:03pm - love - by Hesintrouble (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

#20807595
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58949) - you deserved it (8472)

On 07/28/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by microlovin (man) - United States (California)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58754) - you deserved it (10838)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

#20776380
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58446) - you deserved it (3606)

On 07/11/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by yayme. - United States (North Dakota)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58412) - you deserved it (12235)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

#20799401
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58371) - you deserved it (5524)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by MenstruallyFrustrated - United States (Arizona)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58216) - you deserved it (4586)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)



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