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July 2013

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Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53875) - you deserved it (3459)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

#20768896
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53813) - you deserved it (5627)

On 07/07/2013 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by roseland (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

#20790198
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53607) - you deserved it (4008)

On 07/18/2013 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

#20758014
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53554) - you deserved it (5801)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

#20768089
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53554) - you deserved it (4726)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:21am - intimacy - by nomorenakedpicsplease - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

#20813339
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53460) - you deserved it (8508)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

#20777975
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53400) - you deserved it (6251)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by Suomynona (man) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

#20810887
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53105) - you deserved it (3008)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:09am - money - by brokeandalone (woman) - United States

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

#20775381
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53104) - you deserved it (3148)

On 07/11/2013 at 12:52am - health - by frustrated - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

#20766607
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53052) - you deserved it (3131)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

#20772026
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53039) - you deserved it (4371)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:05am - love - by thirdwheel - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52931) - you deserved it (9434)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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