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June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51211) - you deserved it (11904)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

#20739324
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51171) - you deserved it (4989)

On 06/21/2013 at 4:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

#20707362
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51161) - you deserved it (4701)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:08am - misc - by Thanks Honey (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

#20706766
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51128) - you deserved it (3746)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:22am - health - by TooSunnyForSkin - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

#20752290
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51032) - you deserved it (3618)

On 06/28/2013 at 11:51am - misc - by me - United States

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50942) - you deserved it (3477)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

#20727924
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50929) - you deserved it (4648)

On 06/15/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

#20720952
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50895) - you deserved it (5089)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

#20736145
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50808) - you deserved it (3246)

On 06/19/2013 at 10:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

#20700571
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50553) - you deserved it (6007)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by sleepy momma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50396) - you deserved it (13856)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50369) - you deserved it (3275)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

#20711432
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50278) - you deserved it (4986)

On 06/07/2013 at 9:25am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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