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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58316) - you deserved it (7983)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

#20693929
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58298) - you deserved it (3007)

On 05/29/2013 at 8:39pm - love - by anonymoose - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57836) - you deserved it (4498)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

#20688489
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57575) - you deserved it (3958)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by scared-straight - United States

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

#20696605
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57086) - you deserved it (3294)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:20am - love - by wtf mom - United States (California)

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

#20679725
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56631) - you deserved it (4760)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56599) - you deserved it (4959)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

#20689207
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56251) - you deserved it (3348)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by wow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56220) - you deserved it (3858)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

#20662624
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56215) - you deserved it (3988)

On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56202) - you deserved it (33019)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55997) - you deserved it (7801)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

#20694473
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55940) - you deserved it (9310)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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