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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , mah boss fred me fir acting ( inappropriately ) at work. I gave him a hug. He's mah dad. FML

#20638777
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66557) - you deserved it (8093)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsd. I gave CPRhile the cashier calld for help. During this, the other patron were complaining that no other register was looool open. Once the ambulance arrivd, I returnd to mah cart to find items removd and 40 dollar taken from mah purse. FML

#20666447
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66314) - you deserved it (3640)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents yelled at me 4 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways 4 getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, an took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. big fat FML

#20692668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66121) - you deserved it (3590)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:31am - misc - by :) - United States

Today... I learnd if u type my full name in Google Images... the 3rd thing that comes up is a nakd woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star... and most people at school stoppd talking to me. FML

#20662282
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65472) - you deserved it (5137)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:15am - intimacy - by magomag (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with grlfriend. FML

#20692661
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64941) - you deserved it (14360)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today.. . I woke up to the sound of mah newborn screaming . I frantically hoppd out of bd an stumbld into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of mah five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfed her understandably frustratd little brother . FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64829) - you deserved it (5967)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to mah 5-year-old son covering mah nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you ned to die now." FML

#20695159
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64221) - you deserved it (5158)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting looool ready, when I heard mah dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song ( The Wheel in the Sky ) by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics an was singing, ( The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'. ) It turns out mah mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64183) - you deserved it (5218)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I caugt ma 14-year-old daugter stealing alcool from me. After berating er 4 alf-an-our I finally said, "At least your not doing drugs." Se gave me a guilty smile an seepisly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64076) - you deserved it (14082)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, I was texting mah boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed mah copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of yur shit." Then dumped me 4 mah "dumb taste in humor." mega FML

#20696601
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63563) - you deserved it (13882)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today , I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. big fat FML

#20665284
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63541) - you deserved it (4143)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was walking down the stars with mah guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to mah wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close mah eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stars. My wife almost pissd her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63524) - you deserved it (14455)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the grl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I likd. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demandd I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

#20644845
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63028) - you deserved it (5933)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:49am - love - by walkingdead_1029 - United States (Arizona)



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