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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

#20643761
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22069) - you deserved it (42034)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by LilaTheGreat - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21228) - you deserved it (37821)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20819) - you deserved it (37687)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20514) - you deserved it (69437)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20248) - you deserved it (45988)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

#20695797
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19202) - you deserved it (48079)

On 05/30/2013 at 6:32pm - work - by Lizzie - United States (Michigan)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19149) - you deserved it (45680)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

#20686826
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19042) - you deserved it (48168)

On 05/26/2013 at 2:46am - work - by ChangoFett - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

#20659041
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18917) - you deserved it (69200)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

#20635309
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16266) - you deserved it (36481)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML



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