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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

#20647398
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48777) - you deserved it (8908)

On 05/07/2013 at 8:48am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

#20635835
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48613) - you deserved it (2235)

On 05/01/2013 at 9:52pm - work - by Paul (man) - United States

Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML

#20672414
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48391) - you deserved it (4425)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:35am - kids - by disappointed dad - United States

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48368) - you deserved it (5166)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

#20670402
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48248) - you deserved it (4952)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:57am - misc - by Chelsea - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

#20686007
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48215) - you deserved it (4411)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

#20675286
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48162) - you deserved it (4217)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by well okay then - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

#20688903
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48127) - you deserved it (10364)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

#20660591
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48051) - you deserved it (2776)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Confused (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47813) - you deserved it (7476)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47804) - you deserved it (3354)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

#20640612
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47696) - you deserved it (4135)

On 05/04/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML

#20649622
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47669) - you deserved it (10039)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:00am - kids - by kprince - United States (California)



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