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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51248) - you deserved it (3841)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

#20677848
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51215) - you deserved it (4891)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by mammasboy - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

#20675748
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51077) - you deserved it (17416)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51074) - you deserved it (4433)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

#20693277
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50899) - you deserved it (5217)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by festival virgin - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

#20667410
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50879) - you deserved it (5360)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50735) - you deserved it (19583)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

#20697496
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50699) - you deserved it (3951)

On 05/31/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by whyme - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50683) - you deserved it (23543)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

#20692547
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50564) - you deserved it (10550)

On 05/29/2013 at 1:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

#20677651
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50467) - you deserved it (11490)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by backseatbusted (woman) - United States

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

#20666690
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50450) - you deserved it (4874)

On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50433) - you deserved it (8804)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)



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