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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

#20643291
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54362) - you deserved it (5698)

On 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54307) - you deserved it (8892)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

#20687932
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54217) - you deserved it (3729)

On 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by MsAnonymous17 (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53912) - you deserved it (3530)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53871) - you deserved it (4020)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53806) - you deserved it (4674)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

#20651541
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53623) - you deserved it (3959)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

#20689927
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53598) - you deserved it (11644)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53562) - you deserved it (20545)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53517) - you deserved it (4449)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

#20686906
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53325) - you deserved it (2853)

On 05/26/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by gooddeedgonebad (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53321) - you deserved it (4022)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

#20693277
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53304) - you deserved it (5428)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by festival virgin - United Kingdom



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