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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

#20696622
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45260) - you deserved it (3034)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45095) - you deserved it (6062)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I received a slip through my door saying that the package I'd ordered couldn't be delivered today because no-one was home to sign for it. I got the slip just in time to watch the guy who put it through my letterbox get in his van, look me in the eye and drive off. FML

#20670426
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45069) - you deserved it (3310)

On 05/18/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by JACKxRAWR (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

#20637157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45039) - you deserved it (7008)

On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

#20652046
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44959) - you deserved it (2647)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:44pm - kids - by rachelllynne - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44895) - you deserved it (16420)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

#20643700
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44802) - you deserved it (7489)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:10pm - health - by grossed out - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband angrily accused me of cheating on him. It turns out he thinks that because I've been spending time with my brother recently, the two of us must be having some kind of incestuous affair. FML

#20654383
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44725) - you deserved it (3154)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:01pm - love - by paintfarts1976 (woman) - Ireland (Westmeath)

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

#20668592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44607) - you deserved it (2812)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

#20665470
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44582) - you deserved it (3038)

On 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm - work - by Seriously? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

#20689895
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44530) - you deserved it (5355)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:10pm - love - by mustache girl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

#20651917
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44511) - you deserved it (2385)

On 05/09/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

#20665723
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44483) - you deserved it (3029)

On 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom



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