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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47896) - you deserved it (7485)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47877) - you deserved it (3356)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

#20640612
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47761) - you deserved it (4138)

On 05/04/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML

#20649622
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47741) - you deserved it (10054)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:00am - kids - by kprince - United States (California)

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

#20686197
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47686) - you deserved it (4148)

On 05/25/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by uglynerd (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47609) - you deserved it (6346)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

#20675025
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47560) - you deserved it (3209)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47478) - you deserved it (9094)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

#20657778
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47422) - you deserved it (3937)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

#20665722
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47326) - you deserved it (2861)

On 05/15/2013 at 7:43pm - health - by LordCrafte (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47288) - you deserved it (3917)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

#20661106
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47229) - you deserved it (2952)

On 05/13/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by culodegrillo (woman) - Spain



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