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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47079) - you deserved it (9339)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

#20585940
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46900) - you deserved it (13676)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

#20626789
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46648) - you deserved it (3208)

On 04/28/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by lonesome - Canada

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

#20623583
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46578) - you deserved it (3093)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

#20599573
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46572) - you deserved it (9948)

On 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm - misc - by pantydropper (woman) - United States

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

#20570614
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46548) - you deserved it (7952)

On 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by LadySteveMartin (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46505) - you deserved it (6190)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46464) - you deserved it (3860)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46422) - you deserved it (7995)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46409) - you deserved it (11718)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a big party planned. All but one of the guests cancelled. See you at 7, mom. FML

#20630222
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46382) - you deserved it (3652)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

#20578428
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46300) - you deserved it (5033)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:26am - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46250) - you deserved it (11866)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)



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