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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51603) - you deserved it (7297)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

#20578709
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51543) - you deserved it (2550)

On 04/07/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by child of a crazed women (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51420) - you deserved it (6668)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

#20608351
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51419) - you deserved it (4590)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

#20627653
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51325) - you deserved it (6832)

On 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm - love - by gibbette (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50828) - you deserved it (10896)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50809) - you deserved it (9786)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

#20622139
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50695) - you deserved it (2764)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:01pm - love - by nodullmoment (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50594) - you deserved it (11252)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50536) - you deserved it (6061)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50526) - you deserved it (8175)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

#20589493
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50491) - you deserved it (3987)

On 04/14/2013 at 3:28am - love - by MissedTheBoat (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50412) - you deserved it (22108)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)



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