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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

#20607182
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43333) - you deserved it (5237)

On 04/20/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

#20591599
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43264) - you deserved it (13286) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by NiquetChrome (woman) - France

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

#20601828
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43202) - you deserved it (6850)

On 04/18/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by notlaughing (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

#20580049
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43097) - you deserved it (6427)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

#20602754
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43030) - you deserved it (12556)

On 04/18/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by thanks, my fellow americans - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

#20577745
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43011) - you deserved it (3978)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend twice. Apparently the first time she thought I was kidding. FML

#20602951
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42833) - you deserved it (6894)

On 04/18/2013 at 6:47pm - love - by RaveCharlie - United States

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

#20585168
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42769) - you deserved it (8119)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42758) - you deserved it (20265)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42710) - you deserved it (18665)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

#20626326
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42706) - you deserved it (2936)

On 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by Satan'sChildren - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

#20601226
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42638) - you deserved it (3727)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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