Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

#20605834
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47663) - you deserved it (5526)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

#20586452
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47554) - you deserved it (5448)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm - misc - by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47346) - you deserved it (6965)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47331) - you deserved it (4879)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

#20604301
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47243) - you deserved it (9144)

On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

#20578323
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47193) - you deserved it (9163)

On 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by ziggers10 - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

#20613283
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47178) - you deserved it (3038)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm - health - by shatMyself - United States

Today my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML

#20616531
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46992) - you deserved it (3653)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by traitor (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was told that I don't meet the minimum requirements for a job I applied for. I currently hold the same job, at the same facility, but just wanted a day shift. Apparently I'm not qualified for the job I've had for 2 and a half years. FML

#20611147
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46911) - you deserved it (3282)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46858) - you deserved it (5496)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46799) - you deserved it (7381)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: