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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50848) - you deserved it (10901)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50829) - you deserved it (22258)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50828) - you deserved it (9789)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

#20622139
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50724) - you deserved it (2768)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:01pm - love - by nodullmoment (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50625) - you deserved it (11257)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

#20615372
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50552) - you deserved it (6063)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML

#20605834
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50388) - you deserved it (5792)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

#20586452
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50387) - you deserved it (5694)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm - misc - by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50247) - you deserved it (12756)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

#20578323
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50245) - you deserved it (9560)

On 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by ziggers10 - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

#20609136
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50194) - you deserved it (5075)

On 04/21/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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