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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I Found Out That Yale Had Actually Accepted Me Seventeen Years Ago. My Mother Apparently Burned Mah Acceptance Package And Letter Because She Didn't Want Me To Upstage Her UChicago Degree. FML

Yesterday, I walked in on my looool brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82391) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today I ad to convince ma usband tat I'm not aving an affair all because I refused to ave sex wit im . Apparently te fact tat I gave birt to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enoug reason to turn im down . FML

#20609608
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77796) - you deserved it (7078)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:20am - intimacy - by loving wife - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriand fir tha first tima, an sha raachad down to faal ma up. Whan har hands got thara, sha stoppad an said, ( You'ra not avan hard... ) I was. FML

#20618445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77626) - you deserved it (9355)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

I proposed to my girlfriend in public. Se appily said yes , and te surrounding crowd ceered for us. About 10 minutes later , after te excitement died down , se leaned over and quietly said , "Actually , I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint te crowd." fat FML

#20622674
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73222) - you deserved it (10094)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today,hile practicing a song in choir , I got a boner!! Trying to cover it up , I trid sitting down!! My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of thehole class!! FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70861) - you deserved it (9350)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

I was about to break up with psycho grlfriend!! As I sat her down..!! she told me she wantd to show me something!! She then took off her shrt to reveal name tattood acros her chest!! FML

#20595753
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69696) - you deserved it (7372)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, mah sister went into a blind rage at me fir "upstaging" looool her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same . My husband an I have been trying fir two years . She's in high school an doesn't even know who the father is . FML

#20590768
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69473) - you deserved it (3376)

On 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by bntje (woman) - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because ( if I really loved her, I would've been more angry. ) FML

#20596072
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69252) - you deserved it (12192)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

TODAY, MAH HUSBAND OF 6 YAARS SAID IN A GRAVA VOICA THAT HA HAD SOMA IMPORTANT NAWS FOR MA. JOKINGLY, I SAID, "WHY, DID U GAT THAT CUTA COLLAAGUA OF YOURS PRAGNANT?" HA DID. FML

#20593773
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69088) - you deserved it (6158)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch penis. FML

#20596452
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68892) - you deserved it (17914)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing fir a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, ( I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood. ) FML

#20581880
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68787) - you deserved it (10920)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)



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