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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

#20551525
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46363) - you deserved it (2766)

On 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

#20529151
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46212) - you deserved it (5911)

On 03/03/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by Ihatemylife (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46161) - you deserved it (4435)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

#20548927
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45853) - you deserved it (3336)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:28am - love - by mcds2 (woman) - United States

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45508) - you deserved it (6891)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45235) - you deserved it (20461)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45087) - you deserved it (6359)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

#20550300
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44920) - you deserved it (3399)

On 03/19/2013 at 12:40am - love - by lanz4949 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

#20559804
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44676) - you deserved it (2688)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Soph (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

#20556205
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44577) - you deserved it (3304)

On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

#20552149
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44349) - you deserved it (6151)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

#20566302
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44049) - you deserved it (3703) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm - love - by Badam - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

#20552400
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44040) - you deserved it (5082)

On 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Tired (man) - United States



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