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March 2013

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Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22216) - you deserved it (45464)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22002) - you deserved it (48099)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

#20533106
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21658) - you deserved it (7121)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20497) - you deserved it (59922)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20357) - you deserved it (51085)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

#20530358
183 comments

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

#20563782
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19948) - you deserved it (54294)

On 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm - love - by not funny but :( (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

#20556604
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19574) - you deserved it (36581)

On 03/23/2013 at 3:00pm - love - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

#20528351
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19569) - you deserved it (41039)

On 03/02/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by stabbed with kindness (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

#20537793
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19387) - you deserved it (37055)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:41am - intimacy - by lolk - United States (Arkansas)

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

#20543184
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18134) - you deserved it (35266)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:52am - health - by jen (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to discover that the guy I hooked up with last night did indeed have a mullet. FML

#20535419
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16869) - you deserved it (54627)

On 03/08/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by WeHitTurbulence (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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