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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

#20550428
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28325) - you deserved it (8225)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28164) - you deserved it (49287)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today, my boss and I had to come up with a code to call if a person acts inappropriately towards me because I "attract too many weirdos." FML

#20529995
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28078) - you deserved it (2890)

On 03/03/2013 at 8:17pm - work - by smokeysarah94 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

#20531557
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27900) - you deserved it (3127)

On 03/04/2013 at 10:38pm - work - by KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27805) - you deserved it (8009)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27754) - you deserved it (4929)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

#20526714
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27682) - you deserved it (4240)

On 03/01/2013 at 8:20am - misc - by Headache - United States

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27640) - you deserved it (6308)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

#20526945
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27437) - you deserved it (2370)

On 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by cthulhu help me (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

#20529036
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27189) - you deserved it (2625)

On 03/03/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by addie (woman) - United States

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

#20526049
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27186) - you deserved it (8760)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

#20531281
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27106) - you deserved it (2340)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:41pm - misc - by ihatemakingnames (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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