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Today, I Awoke To My Husband Talking To Someone On The Phone At 2am. I Heard Him Say, ( Baby You're Making Me Hard. ) Immediately, I Asked Himho He Was Talking To. His Response? ( It's Jake, From State Farm. ) Fat FML
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, ( Babe, you took his drink. ) My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, ( Whatever, I took her virginity. ) FML
yesterday I was making out with mah girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to mah crotch. She felt mah erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig fir "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Today... mah boyfriend startd coming onto me... despite me being on mah period. He said it was okay... an we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread mah legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy... I did. He then yelld... ( I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA! ) an broke down in laughter.
Today , I invited my long-lost looool best friend over , because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend!! 20 minutes into hanging out , he showed up at my door!! He still hasn't left , and there having sex on my couch right now!! FML
Today, mah neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear mah "shit music" through mah window during the afternoon, so I turnd it off. They then began to play there definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blastd Nicki Minaj. FML
Yesterday... mah boyfriend got angry an threatend to dump me... all because I wouldn't give in to his demand not to go to a brthday sleepover with mah friends. He seriously think it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy an that I'll cheat on him. Thanks... PornHub. FML
Friday 27 March 2015