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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML

#20103889
138 comments

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29690) - you deserved it (6032)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29642) - you deserved it (4514)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

#20106911
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29578) - you deserved it (3875)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by juliette (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29576) - you deserved it (2397)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

#20110068
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29181) - you deserved it (8218)

On 10/10/2012 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Depression... (woman) - United States

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

#20113249
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29068) - you deserved it (2665)

On 10/12/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by You're NOT getting lucky today hun (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29037) - you deserved it (3636)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28911) - you deserved it (2807)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28905) - you deserved it (3600)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28578) - you deserved it (4783)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28549) - you deserved it (1495)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

#20107287
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28538) - you deserved it (1839)

On 10/08/2012 at 11:08am - misc - by LovedByFamily (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)



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