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Monday 30 September 2013

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Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

by meens42 / 09/30/2013 at 4:04am / United States / Kids

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 12:23pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I got proposed to. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we have 2 kids. It was perfect, except it was my ex-boyfriend who proposed to me. FML

by courtnayy / 09/30/2013 at 10:47am / United States / Love

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Kids

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

by 3 More Months / 09/30/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Work

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

by A.Summers / 09/30/2013 at 6:41pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

by hairy / 09/30/2013 at 5:59pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

by Overworked / 09/30/2013 at 1:01am / United States / Health

Today, my friends and I spent a little too long enjoying a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. We spent the next 3 hours lost in a pitch black jungle with only one pocket-sized flashlight. FML

by sothisishowidie / 09/30/2013 at 7:18am / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

by DOCMONROE / 09/30/2013 at 6:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.