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Saturday 15 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

#20726687
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62032) - you deserved it (3790)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:28am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

#20727770
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58323) - you deserved it (9155)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by woof woof?? (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

#20727924
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50720) - you deserved it (4628)

On 06/15/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

#20726929
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48902) - you deserved it (3920)

On 06/15/2013 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

#20726673
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47852) - you deserved it (20219)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by Jill (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

#20728225
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47138) - you deserved it (3765) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by Sovekipisse (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

#20726743
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46942) - you deserved it (4253)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by well then... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work only to find out that it was my day off. After finally getting back home and into bed, my boss called, requesting that I come back to work since I was "already up". FML

#20726806
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46684) - you deserved it (5951)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:41am - work - by Shitty Boss Shitty Job - United States (Iowa)

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

#20726995
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46560) - you deserved it (4603)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:57am - love - by bloody - United States

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40001) - you deserved it (3703)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

#20726715
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39599) - you deserved it (4370)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by ouch - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

#20727839
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35725) - you deserved it (5120)

On 06/15/2013 at 5:08pm - misc - by ineedbetterfriends (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML

#20727332
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35634) - you deserved it (2554)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:13pm - misc - by fuckedbyahipster (man) - Finland



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