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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

#20007279
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22214) - you deserved it (2312)

On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)

Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook. I noticed she has an album of pictures for each member of the family, except me. The dog has an album. FML

#8790024
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24168) - you deserved it (2311)

On 03/03/2010 at 12:08am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, the main topic for my sister and her friends in the car was how many ways they could think of to kill me. They came up with 137. I have to spend a week with these people. FML

#18279244
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24784) - you deserved it (2311)

On 11/18/2011 at 4:01am - health - by xattackattackx - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

#13603751
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29942) - you deserved it (2310)

On 10/26/2010 at 4:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML

#17592588
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26460) - you deserved it (2310)

On 08/27/2011 at 3:45am - health - by sad child - United States (New York)

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

#19246597
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25528) - you deserved it (2310)

On 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

#134893
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55412) - you deserved it (2309)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm - misc - by xoothc08 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

#5839165
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22028) - you deserved it (2309)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:16am - animals - by birdhater (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

#14703374
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20660) - you deserved it (2309)

On 01/24/2011 at 10:18pm - misc - by brokenhome - United States (Texas)

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

#17465533
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27084) - you deserved it (2309)

On 08/14/2011 at 12:36am - health - by MomLovesMeLessThanTrash - United States (California)

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

#18452728
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33475) - you deserved it (2309)

On 12/07/2011 at 1:43pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

#19220268
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19813) - you deserved it (2309)

On 03/05/2012 at 11:36am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML

#19342330
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29593) - you deserved it (2309)

On 03/25/2012 at 12:40am - love - by lil123 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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