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Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

by cazzb / 09/16/2014 at 12:17am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

by tawan / 12/04/2009 at 11:35am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2009 at 5:13am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

by photonut13 / 07/15/2010 at 6:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

by yeahno / 10/31/2010 at 12:10pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money

Today, this guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML

by madelynn / 01/30/2011 at 9:03pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

by workaholic / 02/15/2012 at 6:09am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 1:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

by fiftyshardsofbroccoli / 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm / United States / Intimacy