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Today, I discovered a large and somewhat disturbing whitehead inside my ear crevice. Apparently it's been there for a while, because everyone at work has nicknamed it Hugo. FML

by me / 09/08/2012 at 6:39pm / United States / Work

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2012 at 5:26am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

by JustSom / 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

by zitroskies / 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after working for over ten years at a dead-end factory line, I told my friends I was going to take some business courses and land myself a real job. All they've done since is laugh, mock me, and say that if Clinton couldn't fix the economy, I have no chance. FML

by workworkwork / 11/25/2011 at 8:37pm / United States (Florida) / Geek

Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

by Innocent / 01/28/2012 at 8:40am / Intimacy

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

by tylah / 06/23/2012 at 11:11am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

by really mature, GRAN / 12/25/2012 at 3:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2013 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2013 at 6:01pm / United States / Health

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

by single / 12/24/2014 at 4:49pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I went on my first date in over 4 years with a smoking hot guy. The big event was a trip to Target. I work at Target. He took me to my workplace for our date. And they say romance is dead. FML

by anonpbc / 01/28/2015 at 8:51am / United States (Kansas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

by Metallurge / 03/12/2015 at 11:02pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Transportation