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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

#20100991
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19138) - you deserved it (2435)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:20am - animals - by acme - Israel

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42875) - you deserved it (2435)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

#20504501
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29390) - you deserved it (2435)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

#6857833
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44786) - you deserved it (2434)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by budapesthungary - United States (Texas)

Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

#17820631
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24209) - you deserved it (2434)

On 09/24/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

#19754526
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25236) - you deserved it (2434)

On 06/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

#21306606
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30731) - you deserved it (2434)

On 11/27/2014 at 2:06am - misc - by Sleep. - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

#8851700
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23180) - you deserved it (2433)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by artsmart1 - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

#14840451
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29844) - you deserved it (2433)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:13pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

#14349476
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31315) - you deserved it (2433)

On 12/26/2010 at 9:29pm - love - by strwbrry (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her cats. She sat outside with a whistle at 6:00 this morning and continued to blow her whistle for hours. FML

#17327008
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27408) - you deserved it (2433)

On 08/01/2011 at 12:41am - animals - by Username - United States

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

#17338822
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23445) - you deserved it (2433)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:43am - work - by Username - Australia



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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