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Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23597) - you deserved it (2048)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

#20068907
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23788) - you deserved it (2048)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

#12081
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36020) - you deserved it (2047)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

#18763079
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22351) - you deserved it (2047)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:25am - work - by jumbledgirl (woman) - United States

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

#20487736
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25071) - you deserved it (2047)

On 01/31/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by fuckit (man) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

#2589688
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16163) - you deserved it (2046)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:33am - love - by xXitslolaXX - United States (California)

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

#8846079
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23455) - you deserved it (2046)

On 03/05/2010 at 3:21pm - misc - by copenhagen20 - United States (Armed Forces Africa)

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

#18392347
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27948) - you deserved it (2046)

On 11/30/2011 at 5:53am - health - by shitty day - United States

Today, I found out how stupid my girlfriend really is. She saw my room for the first time and started yelling at me, calling me racist, white trash for having a Confederate flag hanging on my wall. It's a British flag. FML

#21180829
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18126) - you deserved it (2046)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by EmptyGlass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

#19620502
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18920) - you deserved it (2045)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

#19667895
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23238) - you deserved it (2045)

On 05/23/2012 at 2:47pm - health - by shanxi (man) - United States

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22225) - you deserved it (2045)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

#9024995
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49431) - you deserved it (2044)

On 03/12/2010 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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