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Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

by anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 9:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

by Azure_Mist / 01/27/2011 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML

by Help. / 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull) / Miscellaneous

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 1:35pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

by myheadhurts / 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

by anotherhuman / 11/30/2014 at 12:48am / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

by / 12/31/2008 at 10:49pm / Intimacy

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

by MAC / 01/13/2009 at 4:47am / Work

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

by hugs511 / 07/25/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

by Ihatemyjob / 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

by BirthdayBoy / 03/27/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 12:38pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 10:41pm / Australia / Animals