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Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

by BirthdayBoy / 03/27/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2009 at 5:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

by holler / 09/15/2011 at 12:22am / Japan (Tokyo) / Intimacy

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 4:38am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Transportation

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

by Sophies / 12/25/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Money

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

by MCForty / 02/27/2015 at 10:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to sit on the ground next to my crush at our college's free concert. Just as I took the final step toward him, somone ran into me causing me to trip and kick him in the crotch. He had to go to the emergency room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 12:04am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

by anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 9:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

by aldfgadfklbg / 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

by Grand_Cookie / 04/16/2013 at 4:48am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

by bakingwomannnnnnnn / 11/20/2013 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Work

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

by Emily / 07/03/2010 at 2:57pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

by Username / 06/15/2011 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Health