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Today, I'm staying with my mother for a week. Every time I eat something, she tells me that it's "swimsuit season" and that I need to eat less. Every time I say I'm not hungry, she panics and insists I have an eating disorder. I can't win. FML

#17098428
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30683) - you deserved it (2113)

On 07/13/2011 at 7:49pm - misc - by argh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

#18974809
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (2112)

On 02/02/2012 at 5:28am - money - by carssuck - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

#19394272
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20766) - you deserved it (2112)

On 04/02/2012 at 9:37am - misc - by Deadman (man) - United States

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

#19873141
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18310) - you deserved it (2112)

On 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm - misc - by pissed off -

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

#18705710
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26208) - you deserved it (2111)

On 01/04/2012 at 11:55am - health - by gimpy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML

#19326389
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29465) - you deserved it (2111)

On 03/22/2012 at 1:14pm - kids - by futuremum (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

#19751282
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21372) - you deserved it (2111)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Rohirus (man) - Sweden

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

#20084743
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17842) - you deserved it (2111)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

#20007763
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23569) - you deserved it (2111)

On 08/07/2012 at 1:59pm - love - by Blackfell - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

#21287621
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29518) - you deserved it (2112)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:24am - misc - by carless - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21250) - you deserved it (2110)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

#5096534
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37551) - you deserved it (2110)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:04am - work - by SapphireRaven (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for KY. FML

#1288
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18265) - you deserved it (2109)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by kallens - United States (Minnesota)



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