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Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

by emily / 07/15/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

by Phil / 05/28/2012 at 5:17pm / Canada / Health

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2013 at 12:12am / United States / Love

Today, teachers were pulling students out of class to announce valedictorian, salutatorian, and other awards for graduation. I got pulled out of class by one of them, and I got a little excited since I wasn't expecting an award. It was to tell me that my sister was staying after school. FML

Today, my dad tricked the local biker gang into believing he's actually part of the Russian mob. FML

by caseyl / 04/15/2015 at 9:42am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 11:35am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunk parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML

by JK2010 / 01/11/2010 at 1:12pm / Israel (Hefa) / Love

Today, I took my girlfriend of 3 years out to where we had our first date. I proposed to her. She breaks down in tears as she tells me she's been sleeping with her co-worker for the past year. FML

by ohno / 09/14/2010 at 7:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

by moikristine / 05/21/2013 at 6:24am / Norway (Akershus) / Love

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

by shut up. / 11/11/2013 at 5:36am / New Zealand / Work

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

by Vampprobs / 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told his friends he was dating me. We've been together for a year and a half. His friends didn't even know I existed before. FML

by Myyrh / 06/15/2015 at 9:48pm / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2015 at 2:25am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health