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Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

by Mogg / 12/18/2009 at 3:42am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

by whoanoa / 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

by Dfacta / 05/13/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

by me / 11/12/2010 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early to go to church with my parents. When I got in the car, I was struck with the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. My parents told me I'd be cleaning the car out when we got there, because if we turned around, we'd be late. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

by DandoisFLAT / 08/11/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

by kelizabeth / 08/05/2009 at 2:17pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

by cantgetitupcantgetiton / 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

by Brie / 09/05/2011 at 9:00am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, school tuition has taken up so much of my paycheck that the only thing I had to eat for dinner was applesauce. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 9:19am / United States / Money

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2012 at 10:50am / United States (Maryland) / Geek

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation,, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2014 at 7:16am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

by braceforcarnage / 12/02/2014 at 10:42am / United States / Love