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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

#43018
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31584) - you deserved it (2711)

On 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by NoValentine (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonalds slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML

#4719032
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35952) - you deserved it (2711)

On 08/21/2009 at 9:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

#14315930
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27020) - you deserved it (2711)

On 12/23/2010 at 9:21pm - misc - by nick (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

#14103618
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32895) - you deserved it (2711)

On 12/06/2010 at 2:20am - intimacy - by FreakinthePink -

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

#21322112
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36500) - you deserved it (2711)

On 12/22/2014 at 2:11pm - love - by koolkat9 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

#899104
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52457) - you deserved it (2710)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:07am - work - by Franco (man) - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

#6328557
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30440) - you deserved it (2710)

On 11/16/2009 at 4:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

#10120453
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36584) - you deserved it (2710)

On 04/24/2010 at 7:38pm - love - by ncjarhead (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

#21402521
108 comments

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

#18957870
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23388) - you deserved it (2709)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

#19833601
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23495) - you deserved it (2709)

On 06/23/2012 at 11:11am - misc - by tylah - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

#21260295
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33774) - you deserved it (2709)

On 09/17/2014 at 9:37pm - misc - by compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - United States (Pennsylvania)



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