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Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37775) - you deserved it (2762)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

#20174445
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19690) - you deserved it (2761)

On 11/22/2012 at 9:56pm - misc - by Unfortunate Painter - United States (California)

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

#21230314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (2761)

On 08/05/2014 at 6:44pm - work - by cutthroatkait (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

#17574583
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37094) - you deserved it (2760)

On 08/25/2011 at 1:26am - intimacy - by InAnAwkwardSituation - United States (New York)

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

#21336801
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31930) - you deserved it (2760)

On 01/14/2015 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

#21350771
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28661) - you deserved it (2760)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:26am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

#21419681
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28071) - you deserved it (2760)

On 06/02/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Milo (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

#13213227
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33194) - you deserved it (2759)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

#17661211
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33323) - you deserved it (2759)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm - work - by -- - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mother screamed and swore at me because I said I was looking to move out soon. Apparently, the idea of me moving out at 27 and her getting a job to pay her own way is devastating. FML

#19253027
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (2759)

On 03/10/2012 at 6:37pm - misc - by whyme - United States (Arizona)

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

#19349740
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26934) - you deserved it (2759)

On 03/26/2012 at 5:11am - intimacy - by pmek - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

#20045592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20294) - you deserved it (2759)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:43am - animals - by anonya - United States (California)



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