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Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29796) - you deserved it (2119)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24382) - you deserved it (2115)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML

#7552135
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53664) - you deserved it (2115)

On 01/24/2010 at 8:02pm - love - by weddingbells (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

#20084697
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21375) - you deserved it (2115)

On 09/23/2012 at 5:23am - work - by whatisthisidonteven (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

#4977
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37136) - you deserved it (2113)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

#6066680
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33303) - you deserved it (2113)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:25am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

#14509671
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22194) - you deserved it (2113)

On 01/08/2011 at 3:35pm - work - by niiiiiiiiiikki - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

#15866600
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (2113)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:45pm - misc - by doomed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

#18932795
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21643) - you deserved it (2113)

On 01/28/2012 at 10:46am - animals - by tannarox - United States (California)

Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML

#19692459
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29061) - you deserved it (2113)

On 05/28/2012 at 6:15am - misc - by Ladieda (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

#19766178
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31646) - you deserved it (2113)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML

#20497288
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28792) - you deserved it (2113)

On 02/07/2013 at 5:56pm - misc - by fineillpissthebedthen (man) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25990) - you deserved it (2112)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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