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Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

by StromyG2 / 10/24/2011 at 10:54am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

by marie519 / 01/08/2012 at 7:59pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

by Thewatcher / 10/22/2014 at 4:09am / Mauritius / Work

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

by Kidsthesedays / 11/09/2015 at 2:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids

Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

by blind_loser / 07/11/2009 at 9:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML

by hateparents / 10/11/2009 at 7:25am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

by surprise / 12/11/2009 at 4:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

by Username / 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

by pmek / 03/26/2012 at 5:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy