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Today, it's my 30th birthday. I was having a great night until I overheard my mother say, "I can't believe that thing made it to 30." FML

Today, my parents told me they'd be willing to pay for me to get a nose job. I asked them what was wrong with my nose, and they said nothing, it's just not the kind of nose they'd prefer to feature in our Christmas photos. FML

#20976009
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38069) - you deserved it (2247)

On 11/30/2013 at 5:46pm - misc - by UglyFace (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I have an auto immune disease which causes my penis to look like a tie-dye t shirt. FML

#2444
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30793) - you deserved it (2246)

On 01/24/2009 at 2:05pm - health - by Damm - United States (New York)

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

#6238965
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40114) - you deserved it (2246)

On 11/10/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

#8580880
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20353) - you deserved it (2245)

On 02/23/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by thetallone (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

#20078825
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30266) - you deserved it (2245)

On 09/19/2012 at 2:24am - intimacy - by annonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

#20072449
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24794) - you deserved it (2245)

On 09/15/2012 at 1:35am - intimacy - by anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, the new manager at my workplace left early in a panic, exclaiming, "My grandma had an accident! I need to see if she's okay!" I was left in charge of the bar once again. This is the sixth time this week his grandma has had an "accident". FML

#20490841
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26794) - you deserved it (2245)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

#14335175
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25373) - you deserved it (2244)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:33pm - misc - by Connor - United States (New York)

Today, I have an Urinary Tract Infection, causing me to have to use the bathroom about every ten minutes. I'm also about to leave on a 15 hour car trip with my entire family. FML

#6949981
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (2243)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was fired because I skipped a week of work without calling nor telling anyone. His secretary forgot to tell him about my scheduled days off for anticipation for my daughter's birth. My boss had already hired someone else so he gave me his secretary's job. Wrong time for a pay decrease. FML

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

#12411056
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26462) - you deserved it (2242)

On 08/09/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Scabs (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML

#17238923
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25408) - you deserved it (2242)

On 07/24/2011 at 4:55am - misc - by painful (woman) - Norway (Akershus)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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