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Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

by home owner / 08/20/2010 at 2:14am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

by Sarahfizzeller / 05/26/2010 at 4:13pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

by MSURebel70 / 07/16/2010 at 7:48pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

by Bullet / 08/13/2010 at 12:28pm / United States / Kids

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

by anon / 07/20/2011 at 3:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

by anonymous / 12/11/2014 at 8:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

by Cate / 11/05/2009 at 5:25am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

by meagainsttheworld / 10/26/2009 at 5:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 2:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

by random / 02/14/2012 at 1:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

by Rae / 05/04/2012 at 5:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm / United States / Money