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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

#6904447
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28019) - you deserved it (2733)

On 12/23/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by extraflavour - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

#14200439
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35835) - you deserved it (2733)

On 12/14/2010 at 8:32am - love - by A. nonymous -

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

#20720351
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43024) - you deserved it (2733)

On 06/11/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Elephant1718 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML

#20869864
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45479) - you deserved it (2733)

On 09/06/2013 at 2:42am - love - by thissinglelife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML

#21101388
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39772) - you deserved it (2733)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:03pm - misc - by IcyWindows - United States (Utah)

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

#12467820
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31380) - you deserved it (2732)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

#14734068
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29938) - you deserved it (2732)

On 01/27/2011 at 5:53pm - love - by Azure_Mist (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

#14809738
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21769) - you deserved it (2732)

On 02/02/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

#15296523
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43160) - you deserved it (2732)

On 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by aldfgadfklbg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

#20960004
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45013) - you deserved it (2732)

On 11/16/2013 at 4:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

#6695402
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31114) - you deserved it (2731)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

#5774015
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32425) - you deserved it (2731)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:53am - love - by Oh_Well (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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