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Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

#14642325
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20526) - you deserved it (2264)

On 01/19/2011 at 7:52pm - work - by sirenmario -

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

#17803307
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25891) - you deserved it (2264)

On 09/22/2011 at 8:06am - work - by Soopa-Genius (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, and got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML

#19921886
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32581) - you deserved it (2264)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:09am - love - by forgottenbday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, when an elderly lady casually mentioned it was her birthday. I motioned two of my coworkers over, and we sang a little happy birthday to her over the phone. Our boss stormed in mid-song and suspended all three of us on the spot for "unprofessional behavior." FML

#20082592
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22852) - you deserved it (2264)

On 09/21/2012 at 8:28pm - work - by karmas a kunt (man) - United States

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

#4949959
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42596) - you deserved it (2263)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by soaked (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

#8332517
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19297) - you deserved it (2263)

On 02/16/2010 at 6:51am - misc - by fmlpgh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

#11927382
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32758) - you deserved it (2263)

On 07/16/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

#18249265
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37768) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm - animals - by Stalked (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

#19410282
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22661) - you deserved it (2263)

On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

#20562286
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25396) - you deserved it (2263)

On 03/27/2013 at 11:44am - misc - by Soggy Sophia - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

#3407899
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51384) - you deserved it (2262)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm - love - by dwaggle (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

#2451149
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47441) - you deserved it (2262)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

#6166479
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25270) - you deserved it (2262)

On 11/05/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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