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Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted "false flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML

#20797881
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32807) - you deserved it (2837)

On 07/22/2013 at 4:19pm - misc - by facepalm (man) - United States

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

#20964215
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42938) - you deserved it (2837)

On 11/20/2013 at 2:59am - work - by bakingwomannnnnnnn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

#20954433
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38500) - you deserved it (2837)

On 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm - health - by myheadhurts (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41910) - you deserved it (2837)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

#3203701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46628) - you deserved it (2836)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:22pm - work - by KP (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

#6630317
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31418) - you deserved it (2836)

On 12/06/2009 at 4:16am - health - by wormsick (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

#6612608
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22104) - you deserved it (2836)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:07am - intimacy - by lastalittlelonger (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

#7538757
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27053) - you deserved it (2836)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:50am - health - by Schrewt - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

#10507279
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31337) - you deserved it (2836)

On 05/13/2010 at 1:51pm - work - by Dfacta (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML

#13822873
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34401) - you deserved it (2836)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Cantbreath94 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

#14294130
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27330) - you deserved it (2836)

On 12/22/2010 at 2:54am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

#15091359
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27004) - you deserved it (2836)

On 02/23/2011 at 3:37pm - misc - by PissedAtLife (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

#20032910
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (2836)

On 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by majorlyturnedoff (woman) - United States



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