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Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

#13948319
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30789) - you deserved it (2376)

On 11/23/2010 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

#18182410
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32436) - you deserved it (2376)

On 11/07/2011 at 7:13am - misc - by maf811 - United States (Texas)

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

#18612285
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28296) - you deserved it (2376)

On 12/25/2011 at 11:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

#19319680
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18280) - you deserved it (2376)

On 03/21/2012 at 9:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25573) - you deserved it (2376)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

#3225149
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36996) - you deserved it (2375)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

#18490910
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24417) - you deserved it (2375)

On 12/12/2011 at 12:15am - misc - by tishihish - United States

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

#19243809
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20067) - you deserved it (2375)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:48am - work - by Katie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

#5840798
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30103) - you deserved it (2374)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Good_old_Grim (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

#5577587
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30044) - you deserved it (2374)

On 10/01/2009 at 12:05am - work - by bm128902 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

#4960471
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33438) - you deserved it (2374)

On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my apartment was robbed by my landlord. Her logic? "I own the building, and therefore everything in it." That TV cost more than my rent. FML

#19572629
268 comments

Today, I discovered that my three-year-old daughter has mastered the art of pickpocketing. While I was driving to work this morning, my car broke down. I reached in my pocket to call AAA on my cell, only to find her squirt gun in its place. FML

#19612373
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19739) - you deserved it (2374)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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